Fortune Telling

That a regular person can tell the future,  fortune telling, is an ancient concept often brushed aside as hogwash by the modern, practical and arrogant. A phenomenon that dates back to the Middle Ages, fortune telling was a craft practiced by both priests and gypsies – both, the elite and the down trodden. It is a craft that has emerged in the historical reminisces of nearly every culture. Fortune tellers, even today, are a prevalent minority that serve millions of customers a year.

Fortune tellers are an integral aspect of social life for many cultures. In India, a country that revels in mysticism and profound imagery, fortune tellers are consulted before every important event in a person’s life. Even Julius Cᴂsar, the world favourite anti hero, was known to employ a soothsayer now and then – right until his last day. Today the craft has evolved into a multimillion dollar industry. With a fortune teller stationed at nearly every curb, your future is literally just around the corner.

Despite the token modern specimen with their ‘practical’ scepticism, the closeted fortune-seeker lies right beneath the surface, inevitably emerging in the most intriguing ways. With the advent of internet technologies and online credit card processing, the business of online fortune telling has thrived beyond all predictions! For an average rate of $100, one can have their entire future revealed to them within minutes. The online fortune teller needs no more than a name and a birth date to make magic where Cᴂsar’s mystic men required an entire goat. Such is the progress of the art of  fortune telling.

Little does the West know that the Asian fortune teller flourishes on no more than $10 on an average. Where the western family seeks the ideal family physician, the Asian family seeks the ideal fortune teller. Ironically, fortune telling is a very mundane aspect of an eastern person’s life. Ranging from astrology to numerology to tarot, few decisions are made without consulting the Universe. An exotic concept to the West, usually dabbled with in jest, the fortune teller earns a living more as an entertainer than a gifted soul. With good money being spent on readings, the fortune teller is obliged to point out the highlights of one’s future, without having to see the aftermath of the revelations.

With fortune tellers’ hotlines ringing non-stop on such occasions as New Year’s Day and Valentine’s Day, the image of the typical middle aged spinster crying over a tub of Hagen Daz’s ice-cream comes to mind. Consolation and wish fulfillment are occupational hazards of being a fortune teller. At the same time, it is the fortune teller that is demeaned in case of the revelation of bad news. No wonder mainstream fortune tellers with the standard stalls at the annual fair are brimming with either good news or absolute devastation – if they are likely to be belittled, they may as well make a penny or two in the process!

• Alectromancy: by observation of a rooster pecking at grain
• Astrology: by the movements of celestial bodies.
• Astromancy: by the stars.
• Augury: by the flight of birds.
• Bazi or four pillars: by hour, day, month, and year of birth.
• Bibliomancy: by books; frequently, but not always, religious texts.
• Cartomancy: by playing cards, tarot cards, or oracle cards.
• Ceromancy: by patterns in melting or dripping wax.
• Cheiromancy: by the shape of the hands and lines in the palms.
• Chronomancy: by determination of lucky and unlucky days.
• Clairvoyance: by spiritual vision or inner sight.
• Cold reading: by using visual and aural clues.
• Crystallomancy: by crystal ball also called scrying.
• Extispicy: by the entrails of animals.
• Face Reading: by means of variations in face and head shape.
• Feng shui: by earthen harmony.
• Gastromancy: by stomach-based ventriloquism (historically).
• Geomancy: by markings in the ground, sand, earth, or soil.
• Haruspicy: by the livers of sacrificed animals.
• Horary astrology: the astrology of the time the question was asked.
• Hydromancy: by water.
• I Ching divination: by yarrow stalks or coins and the I Ching.
• Kau cim by means of numbered bamboo sticks shaken from a tube.
• Lithomancy: by stones or gems.
• Necromancy: by the dead, or by spirits or souls of the dead.
• Numerology: by numbers.
• Oneiromancy: by dreams.
• Onomancy: by names.
• Palmistry: by lines and mounds on the hand.
• Paper fortune teller: origami used in fortune-telling games
• Pendulum reading: by the movements of a suspended object.
• Pyromancy: by gazing into fire.
• Rhabdomancy: divination by rods.
• Runecasting or Runic divination: by runes.
• Scrying: by looking at or into reflective objects.
• Spirit board: by planchette or talking board.
• Taromancy: by a form of cartomancy using tarot cards.
• Tasseography or tasseomancy: by tea leaves or coffee grounds.

The circus-like nature of this enormous industry tends to shove some genuine and helpful members into the background where they remain obscure. For those seeking a quick fix of fortune wielding or a unique form of entertainment, internet fortune telling should suffice.

Fortune telling has saved lives. We’ve all had that one day, and some have had more, when we’ve found ourselves lying awake in our bed, at eleven in the morning, staring at the ceiling telling ourselves we have nothing. We have nothing to our names, we have no lives and we have nothing to wake up for except a life of nothing. Then, in the desperate search for a silver lining, we tell ourselves, “Wait, there has to be more for us. There has to be something.” Just dare to imagine that you could have a different life! Like that old lady character said to Meg Ryan’s character in that movie with all the books and e-mails and then she met her soul mate!’ Swoon. After all that dreaming, you just have to know what, who, when and where! Luckily you can do that, instantly, for free and at home.

Fortune Telling is a craft that has taken the world’s insecurities by storm, flung them straight to Oz and then back home with a pair of shiny red shoes and new, eccentric friends. The internet is brimming with fortune telling websites that promise accurate horoscopes, tarot readings, numerology readings, crystal ball divinity and a number of mystical devices that you’ve probably never even heard of. A popular stereotype is the lonely spinster in her pyjamas with a tub of Ben & Jerry’s chocolate ice cream frantically dialling her tele-psychic whose business flourishes on that Valentine’s Day as usual. Fortunate as some of us have been for whom Valentine’s Day was spent getting hammered at a club if not with a date, it is quite a curious business, this fortune telling.

Best explored via the internet to protect one’s identity, an expedition into the very electronic grids of the internet world was certainly due. One interesting website was the aptly and dryly named astrology.com boasted a plethora of fortune telling services such as horoscope reading by zodiac, personalized readings via numerology, tarot, Vedic astrology and, strangely, Feng Shui. An amusing circumstance, it seemed apt to explore fortune telling by clicking on ‘Feng Shui’.

Curious about how Feng Shui, a craft set in the belief that one’s environment affects one’s life, could, based solely on a birth date, reveal a person’s future, personality and give daily advice. For the sceptic, this is quite the treat. For one with a Metal personality, for instance, which is revealed when the birth date is entered is described as one who is brimming with insecurity, gratitude and failure to achieve parental expectations. One could safely assume that a thirty-five year old spinster with little to her pleasure than friends who are either gay or romantically involved while she sits home on Valentine’s Day and eats ice cream straight from a tub would feel a little depressed and alone. For reasons only the creator of this website can fathom, telling a person their life is doomed if their relationship corner of the bedroom is cluttered is a rather typical psychic response to queries about love.

For those truly in need of fortune telling, it could be suggested that they try more legitimate businesses such as outdoor establishments with offices, or perhaps a referral by a friend. It will cost you money, but certainly not as much as your therapist would demand after a traumatic visit to an internet ‘Feng Shui fortune telling’ website.

If you are a college student or a lazy adult brat with no real job or skills you know for sure that there are times when you are simply pinched for money and will do anything to make a quick buck – try fortune telling! There are plenty of illegal and amoral ways for gold to be spun, none of which are recommended or condoned, and any thoughts on this matter must be dealt with harsh introspection. Once you’ve been through the self-evaluative grind be less ashamed, for here is some advice to challenge yourself and prepare for the fastest lunch money you ever made!

It’s quite easy, really. All you need is a few amethyst bracelets, some necklaces made of precious stones in gold remembering to wear all these at the same time, and the facilities to set up a cosy stall in a popular area such as a town fair where people have the time and resources to squander on a psychic they assume is a sham anyway. Technically, it isn’t a fraudulent activity because people naturally assume that if you are a psychic at a town fair with corn dogs and Ferris wheels, you probably do not take yourself very seriously so the consumer is informed, albeit by previous experiences.

Once you are physically prepared, it is time to prepare yourself mentally. The best time for a lay-‘psychic’ to begin preparation is about a month in advance of the day of his gig. Some call this process ‘people-watching’. People-watching is just that,  it is looking at a person and trying to glean as much information as possible from first sight. It is quite amusing as well as an educational activity, especially at a mall or a movie theatre and is bound to spur the interest of a sociologically stimulated mind.

The next step is to practice on people you don’t know so well, such as people at school outside your friends circle, colleagues, new neighbours and such, all the while letting them know that it is a mere hobby, just to make sure you still have friends by the end of your transformation process!

Fortune telling is certainly a fun activity but at the same time it is gruelling to have to keep your customers interested in listening to you. This demands a certain amount of accuracy. Many first time psychics looking forward to fortune telling, basing their revelations solely on people-watching tend to focus on such stereotypical fortune-telling devices as crystal balls, palmistry and séance-like activities. The caffeine addict may prefer divination with tea leaves. What seems to reveal the most accurate results is in fact tarot card readings.

The Adam Waite deck of Tarot cards is best recommended by professional tarot readers and fortune telling experts. Tarot cards are actually perfect for lay people because the deck of tarot cards is equipped with an instruction booklet that is easy to learn and followed even by the professionals. At the same time, the customer is required to make their queries and all the lay fortune telling aficionado needs to do is follow the tarot deck’s instructions and read the cards appropriately. Tarot is a fortune telling practice of chance so no actual premonitions or psychic abilities are required! Happy Money Making!